So londonboy is back in my life....still being difficult to understand and leaving me feeling anxious and confused, but that is as it will but. All i can say is either i am a complete fool or there is something genuinely there between us, but we may never know with us being a world apart. So i live each moment with that one as it comes.
SB is still in my life...he is more of a confidant then a Master now...but i will always be submissive to him. He is gentle and kind and i will reach out to touch him when i can.
My submission to SM is beginning to suprise me, but yet i still am under consideration. i feel as though i have to tell him everything particularly those things that i do not want to. Those things that i would normally have kept as a prized secret. i do worry that he will not provide the control that i crave to be under, he indicates that he may provide it but he is still considering my role to him. i know that perhaps the biggest and most difficult lesson that i have to learn in this life is to have faith in the processes of life. With this will come patience, a sense of security, and an ability to accept what i am to others. i think that the need to please that i have is based on a lack of security in my childhood and that i was always trying to be acceptable to everyone.
Well that is a big one...but for some nice kind of news i am close to finishing my writing and have finally been able to see how the paper must end. i hope to finish it this weekend, put it aside for a while and move into methodology.
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